Today I was writing about soul longing and the dance of the spirit, and looking at bare steel beams, bricks, cement blocks and the absolute mess building creates.  I used to look at this lovely tree that flowered in the spring.  I will say that it gave an extra amount of pathos to my song.  Perhaps this is why I am writing about a lack of regard for Mother Nature and how this lack dehumanizes us. If I allow it, it makes me angry that I have no say in what my environs look like. The anger would accomplish nothing so instead I write words and music to hopefully make people question what they do. 

I have created my own little garden with a small fountain inside to partially make up for the destruction outside. Writing and composing are my inward garden. Sometimes it flowers and is beautiful and sometimes it is very thorny. Today is a beautiful day. I feel a mild anxiety about what I need to accomplish for the opera coming up, but I try to keep my mind on one thing at a time.  I needed to write this blog, and now it is almost finished. I must work on two grants, hold a rehearsal, and get out an erratta sheet to the singers. Then there is updating my web page. That will probably have to wait for tomorrow.  At least I was able to compose a little this morning. It helps me remember why I do all of this.

Now would someone send over the genies to magically clean my apartment?

As for updating my website, that too needs balance and clarity -- and an absence of typos.  I'm not sure which is easier, coordinating 70+ people or having an absence of typos!

The one I just posted happened to be about wanting to start composing the Mary Magdalene songs.  I finally did that.  Two are in draft form with work left to do on them.  There will be a total of six I believe.  As usual, what I thought was good poetry, was not just right when I began to set the words.  The tone was coming out angry and that was not what was meant.  I am often way to idealogical when I write and have to tone that down at least a little so that the character may come out on its own.  The story needs to evolve, not be preached, and my good old Methodist background keeps cropping up! 

I originally assumed the songs would be for female voice and piano, but  I could not find their voice.  It was like there was a cloudy fog in my brain that would not allow me to see and hear.  My method of composing is by improvising, and then trying to remember it long enough to get it into the computer.  I had planed this long introduction, and then thought I would bring parts of it back throughout the various songs.  I started putting in the text and it was going nowhere fast.  Finally I sat back and was quiet for a moment.  What did I really hear instead of using my mind to decide what it should be?  Maybe the introduction was not the introduction. At last it started working. I realized that part of the problem was that I really needed some sort of sustaining instruments, for which the piano is not particularly suited.  So I added violin, viola and cello since the opening song is written freely similar to Gregorian chant. 

Then,of course, there is the usual self-doubt that I am a "real" composer because I started so late, and/or I have only a few ideas and have used them up so I might as well quit. This strikes particularly when I have been revising things and not composed anything new for awhile.  When this happens I try to remember that everything that has been written started out the same way and it evetually gets there.  The trick is to get my ego, in the sense that Eckert Tolle uses the word, out of the way.  Don't assume anything.  Let it just happen and above all, remember that it does not have to be perfect the first time through, or even the second or the twentieth time.  If it is not working, it means that I have not found the correct voice for the piece.  When I finally find it, then the piece writes itself, or at least it seems that way. 

The other sticking point was first, that the poems were in the wrong order, and secondly, that the words as I first wrote them were fine for reading, but they did not work with the musical ideas.  They caused the voice of the piece to go in the wrong direction.  For those who may not know what I mean when I say "find the voice", I will try to explain.  To me, each piece has a certain character, a certain style, a certain tonality and type of melody. This makes it unique to all other music and also to the individual composer.  As the song started out, it sounded like too many others. This tells me I have not found its uniqueness. Sometimes it is just there right from the beginning and sometimes it really has to be worked at.  This was one of those work at it moments.

So that is a little bit about my methodology. Now it is time to go back and see what I think of yesterdays work and try to add a little spit and polish.

I am now almost finished with the first pass of revising the orchestration for Act I of The Veil.  I have concentrated on the strings and organ part this time through.  Now I will go back through and concentrate on the winds, percussion, and brass.  This is mainly to make sure all the phrasing and articulation is where it is supposed to be and really deciding how I want it to be, checking for errors, and making sure the accidentals make sense.  It is tedious work.  Every few pages or so, I may beef up a part because there is not enough under the voice or take something out because there is too much, but the actual orchestration is really complete.  This is just the polishing and checking up work. I don't like this part of the process much, so I have to exercise a lot of discipline. It has to be done now because the sound files need to be made for the singers to learn the score. Since it is a new work, there are no existing recordings, and unless one is a crack pianist, it is difficult to learn the music without paying a pianist. The sound files save them many bucks, plus they know what the orchestration sounds like. This makes rehearsals go faster and easier. It is very different from what the piano can produce. 

What I would rather be doing is setting my new Mary Magdalene poems to music. They are love songs based on the idea that she and Christ were married or lovers.  This idea makes many people VERY angry. I do not know whether this was the case, nor does anyone else. There is probably evidence to support both sides of the question.  It makes no difference to me because what the songs are really about is what it is like to be a woman who is very intelligent and "all-knowing", a mystic in her own right, who loves someone who is to become not only a world, but eternal leader.  But, I have to finish the orchestration first!!

I have another group of poetry that I have been working on for awhile called "The Science of Love."  These poems compare falling, being, and/or staying in love to the various steps in the scientific method.  It sounds far-fetched, but it is working (slowly).  I have had a new idea for another poem in this group.  If one loves someone very much at one point in time, and then for whatever reason, the relationship ends, does that same love remain just as it was somewhere encapsulated in the space/time line?

Probably that idea was partially stoked from reading the third volume of the Robert Graves biography, "Robert Graves and the White Goddess 1940-1985" by his nephew, Richard Perceval Graves. The book has me spellbound on many levels, but unfortunately, because I lack a classical education, I sometimes feel like the immigrant kid who only partially speaks English in a grade school class.  It makes for slow reading sometimes because I have to stop and figure out who the mythological characters are in order to understand what is being said.  However, in spite of that, it is fascinating.  What a prolific man Robert Graves was (in all ways -- many poems, novels and children).

I ran across Graves work when researching my next opera text. It's main character is Myrddin (Merlin in English).  Myrddin is the Welsh form of the name and since I am using the ancient Welsh texts and myths for this story as opposed to the later traditional Merlin/King Arthur stories, I stumbled across Graves' ideas on the subject.  Now reading about Robert Graves is a two-for-one special because he also was part of the lost generation of World War I, which is the subject of my novel.  My grandfather was in WWI and was tremendously damaged by it, and of course, this was not recognized. The ideas explored in this work revolve around the idea of how the war is never over and how this affects the family he eventually has.  I got a litte more research done and it is a fascinating time.  Why is it that almost any other time is more fascinating than ones own life?  I guess because there is always a story there, and in our own lives, it just is.

This past weekend I saw two incredible operas.  I had fully intended to do a review of both productions, but with my technical difficulties and my time constraints this week, that is not possible.  The first opera was Faust on Saturday night at Regina Opera in Brooklyn, and the second on Sunday afternoon, also in Brooklyn.  The second production was A Masked Ball at Brooklyn Repertory Opera at the Brooklyn Lyceum.  Instead of a legitimate review, I wish to make note of the following:

First off is that both of the companies are doing some really fine work with few resources.  Regina Opera has been in existence for 39 years and performs in the auditorium of a school building.  Brooklyn Rep has been in existence since 2006 and plays in a very large multi-media space.  The only difference between these two companies and the Metropolitan Opera is dollars, dollars and dollars.  Brooklyn Rep, the much younger company, does not yet have the volunteer support that Regina does, which is the backbone of every major arts organization.  But they're working on it.  (If you have some volunteer time, please look in their direction).

Secondly, what was striking were the very large and diverse audiences at both productions.  Nor were the audiences the typical all white hair, caucasian audience.  There were children of every hue and color. There were representatives from almost all ethnic and age groups. And, each audience appeared to truly enjoy the performance.  Both groups performed with full, volunteer orchestras, each masterfully conducted by their respective conductors.  The staging in both productions was clever and effective.

The singers in each production were Met quality voices.  In truth, the amateur orchestras were not as splendid as the Metropolitan Opera orchestra, but then it happens to be one of the finest in the world.  The costumes and lighting were not as splendid.  The setting was not as luxurious.  BUT, there were many times during each performance when everything was going just right, that if you closed your eyes that you truly might not realize that you were not at the Met on a good evening.  That I believe is saying something for these two small companies.  Please check them out.

Composing is not a matter of just putting down what you want to hear. And to make it just that more frustrating, the synthesizer patch changes are not functioning correctly.  Everything is set correctly, or appears to be so, but all of a sudden the marimba sound disappears and the piano sound comes on.  This is not supposed to happen but it does.  I have been working on this score for some time, so in all the layers that have been shifted, copied, etc. many times, who know where the little glitch is.  There may not even be a glitch.  It may simply be evil spirits who have come here to tell me to shut off the damn computer.  It's hot and I have been working for six hours with the exception of breakfast, making ice tea, and marinating chicken and vegetables for supper.  I want to plant my window herb garden and there are a ton of clothes that I don't even like that need to be ironed.

Perhaps part of my frustration is that I saw 33 Variations yesterday and I was really moved by it.  We got better seats than what we had with our tickets because they were not sold out.  The actors were wonderful and the pianist, Diane Walsh, was marvelous.  For those of you who do not know, part of the story line is Beethoven's obsession with the Diabelli Walz and finding all of the variations it contained.  The other part of the story line concerns the relationship of Katherine, a musicologist (who has ALS) with her daughter Clara, who doesn't quite conform to her idea of how a daughter should be.  Needless to say the stories interweave and the story is quite emotional for a composer, who was a musicologist, and who had a troubled relationship with her mother!  It could simply be emotional hangover; absorbing the frustration and tension of the the characters.

Or it could be that right beside the blog screen is a little post-it that says "start measure 319". That means there are still 400 and some more measures to revise in this act, and then another act after that.  Now I really want to turn off the computer! So I think I will take the 88 degrees of separation and go to the nail salon for expensive but necessary basic body maintenance.

As Scarlett says, "Tomorrow is another day."

During the evening, as Tracy "traced" her path of singing from her first experience at the age of twelve (Una voce poca fa) (YIKES) through her current experieces at the age of forty-five (Rusalka's Song to the Moon and Du bist der Lenz).  She delivered poignant, thrilling and often funny examples of what many singers’ journeys are like during her monologues.  The tour-de-force program included opera, G&S, art song and cabaret, all beautifully sung and exquisitely thought out.  Louis Menendez at the piano, equalled her artistry, always amply supporting, but never overshadowing her work.Tracy, Ilya and I have often worked together, so I knew part of the story, but not all of it. Again, I am not here to give a review, but to share those aspects that concern the lesser known artist.  I wish all of you could have heard it because it expressed the reasons many of us day-jobbers still keep on singing, playing, acting, painting, writing and composing. Towards the end she read a quote from a welcome address by Karl Paulnack to the parents of the freshman class of Boston Conservatory in 2004.  It sums up far more eloquently than I could ever express why we all do this thing called the arts.

"If we were a medical school, and you were here as a med student practicing appendectomies, you’d take your work very seriously because you would imagine that some night at two AM someone is going to waltz into your emergency room and you’re going to have to save their life. Well, my friends, someday at 8 PM someone is going to walk into your concert hall and bring you a mind that is confused, a heart that is overwhelmed, a soul that is weary. Whether they go out whole again will depend partly on how well you do your craft.

... [B]eing a musician isn’t about dispensing a product, like selling used cars. I’m not an entertainer; I’m a lot closer to a paramedic, a firefighter, a rescue worker. You’re here to become a sort of therapist for the human soul, a spiritual version of a chiropractor, physical therapist, someone who works with our insides to see if they get things to line up, to see if we can come into harmony with ourselves and be healthy and happy and well.Frankly, ladies and gentlemen, I expect you not only to master music; I expect you to save the planet. If there is a future wave of wellness on this planet, of harmony, of peace, of an end to war, of mutual understanding, of equality, of fairness, I don’t expect it will come from a government, a military force or a corporation. I no longer even expect it to come from the religions of the world, which together seem to have brought us as much war as they have peace. If there is a future of peace for humankind, if there is to be an understanding of how these invisible, internal things should fit together, I expect it will come from the artists, because that’s what we do.... [T]he artists are the ones who might be able to help us with our internal, invisible lives.”

Church chancels are good for the perfect scenery, except that there are tremendous logistical, sound and theatrical problems, such as reverb, lighting, video projection, places for entrances and exits, and placing of the audience.  It is further complicated if there is a Saturday night and Sunday afternoon performance.  Where does all the equipment go for Sunday morning?  Translated, major tech expense or a lot schlepping by yours truly.  All of this would be solvable with big bucks, but alas, no big bucks to be found! Since most theaters don't happen to have a pipe organ around, I took it out of the orchestration and was very pleased with the result.  The whole character of the opera changed and it brought forth new ideas to make it better.

Originally I was going to do the production totally digitally so that it could be produced anywhere, such as real cloisters, theaters, schools, art galleries, etc.  When the deal was struck with BRO, I could do the orchestration for acoustic instruments. Whether digital or acoustic, the orchestration is the same.  It is in the execution that the two roads diverge. When I thought about certain instrumental colors we were unlikely to have, I decided to include them by having them played live digitally.  This is when I began putting back some of the organ part.  I found in my new software, that I had sounds available that were exactly the ones I wanted to hear in certain places.  In fact, they were perfect and helped define the different emotions when used sparingly. I was very pleased because through taking it out, I saw a different dramatic light, and by putting it back in, I got the best of both worlds.  One of those "Aha" moments. Other instruments to be digitized are church bells and tubular bells, celeste and marimba, unless the instruments and their players somehow magically appear.  If they do, great, because the parts are written, but if they don't, I am prepared.

"Be prepared" is the motto for the lesser known artist.  It is also the motto of any performer on any level, but perhaps more so on the lower levels.

To digress, I remember one performance run in a small theater in Manhattan several years ago for which I was conducting and had done the orchestration.  There had been torrential rains which is never good for attendence.  For some reason, the audience all showed up that night, but the performers were having a very tough time backstage. You see the city drainage in that area was clogged, the theater was low-lying and since the drainage was full, it went the only place it could.  Muddy water flowed like Vesuvius' lava out of the dressing room toilet, covering the hiddeous blue shag in two or three inches of water. (Everyone chose to believe it was muddy water.) There was talk of whether the cast should start constructing the ark now or later, and whether tetnus shots would be required. There was a large cast and a small dressing room, all shared by the cast and the musician's instrument cases, now relegated to the makeup counter for safety. Now add to this the fact that all singers drink gallons of water to keep their bodies and vocal cords hydrated since it is really hot under the lights. Not to mention vats of coffee to make up for the late dress rehearsals (often past midnight), the full day job, and the evening performance.  Now picture all this liquid and NO bathroom backstage and many high notes to be hit on stage.  Did I mention the fact that when one is performing, regardless of how many times you have visited the bathroom, you always feel like you need to go again immediately? This is surely a market the drug companies have ignored.

Due to the inequities of nature, the guys hit the alley in the back, but the poor women had to wait till intermission, where the patrons were held from the restrooms until the performers could go and get backstage again. The patrons were not too happy at first to share their bathroom, because most of them had been consuming wine and champagne before the performance, but became much more good natured when they heard what was going on behind the scenes.  Luckily, it was a comedy and a good show, so all turned out well except for the wet feet of the performers.  If you are a lesser known artist - be prepared.

BRO is a small company which started several years ago and mounted my first completed full opera, A.F.R.A.I.D. Their Artistic Director, Kathleen Keske, and Executive Director, Brett Wynkoop are nothing short of amazing. I know what kind of work goes into running a small opera company. I heard a superb, and I mean SUPERB, countertenor, Nicholas Tamagna, sing. I would love to write the role of Rydderch Hael for him (the antagonist in Myrddin’s Prophecy). I fear he will be on to bigger things by the time it premiers, but I can always hope. It would be so tremendously exciting. All of the other singers were also fine and I certainly do not mean to not properly acknowledge them, but Orfeo, the ballets, and the many splendid choruses, are the majority of the show. The choruses, under conductor Harry Salzman, were extremely well-executed and passionate. Ilya Speranza, Laetitia Havers and Joyce Elaine Greene all acquitted themselves in an impeccable manner. The projected art work by Barrett Cobb was beautiful and absolutely captured the spirit of the work. In all, there are over fifty people involved in this production and Brett and Kathleen have put it all together.

However, in keeping with giving a voice to lesser-known artists, I am not here to write a review, but to call your attention to what some of the smaller artists are doing. With the help of Eric Richmond of the Brooklyn Lyceum who has housed the company for the entirety of its existence, BRO has grown from using piano accompaniment with five or six people in the audience, to a full Mozart-sized orchestra, a corp de ballet and capacity audiences.

Among the unsung heros are the volunteer orchestra members. "Amateur player" does not mean that one cannot play. Do they play like Joshua Bell or Yo Yo Ma? No, but it also does not mean that they are not thoroughly trained musicians. They are merely ones who do not practice three or four hours a day because they have chosen other lives.  They play out of love and for fun. These are the people who have probably had ten to twenty years of lessons, played most of that time, and never get recognized for their dedication and hard work in the musical field because they are not famous. The same goes for many of the singers that BRO uses.  These people are what music is all about. They are its backbone. Yes, I love to hear stellar performers as much as anyone, but where would we be without all the smaller people who expose people to classical music and help build audiences?

Big opera companies are folding because of financial constraints in this difficult time, but here is BRO putting on four plus shows a year. They do not have the budget for great costumes and stupendous lighting effects, both of which are very expensive. There are no dressers, wig and makeup artists.  Everything is basic, but the shows go on. They are built of cajoling, begging, strong dedication and discipline, and a non-defeatist spirit. I was one of the ones who said it could not be done, and it serves as a lesson to me to never say "never."  BRO gives young singers a place to start out and the older, very gifted singers who did not fall into the one percent who have a major career, a place to sing. And I might add, who are willing to give fledgling composers a chance to be heard and hone their craft.

There is a lot of love and dedication going on at BRO.

Composing is not a matter of just putting down what you want to hear. And to make it just that more frustrating, the synthesizer patch changes are not functioning correctly.  Everything is set correctly, or appears to be so, but all of a sudden the marimba sound disappears and the piano sound comes on.  This is not supposed to happen but it does.  I have been working on this score for some time, so in all the layers that have been shifted, copied, etc. many times, who know where the little glitch is.  There may not even be a glitch.  It may simply be evil spirits who have come here to tell me to shut off the damn computer.  It's hot and I have been working for six hours with the exception of breakfast, making ice tea, and marinating chicken and vegetables for supper.  I want to plant my window herb garden and there are a ton of clothes that I don't even like that need to be ironed. 

Perhaps part of my frustration is that I saw 33 Variations yesterday and I was really moved by it.  We got better seats than what we had with our tickets because they were not sold out.  The actors were wonderful and the pianist, Diane Walsh, was marvelous.  For those of you who do not know, part of the story line is Beethoven's obsession with the Diabelli Walz and finding all of the variations it contained.  The other part of the story line concerns the relationship of Katherine, a musicologist (who has ALS) with her daughter Clara, who doesn't quite conform to her idea of how a daughter should be.  Needless to say the stories interweave and the story is quite emotional for a composer, who was a musicologist, and who had a troubled relationship with her mother!  It could simply be emotional hangover; absorbing the frustration and tension of the the characters.

Or it could be that right beside the blog screen is a little post-it that says "start measure 319". That means there are still 400 and some more measures to revise in this act, and then another act after that.  Now I really want to turn off the computer! So I think I will take the 88 degrees of separation and go to the nail salon for expensive but necessary basic body maintenance.

As Scarlett says, "Tomorrow is another day."

Every tax season, the smaller artist has to justify their deductions as being truly business expenses rather than those for a hobby.  My first response to this is, “Do I pay good money for advanced degrees in hobbies?” I have degrees in music, but none in knitting, cross-stitch, crocheting or cooking.  Secondly, I have not indulged in the same "hobbies" since the age of four (unless you count the mud pies I tried to bake). I do not network (one of those dreaded tasks), nor do I keep a calendar to reach a target date of completion for my hobbies.  There are no voluminous “To Do” lists, nor do I market or publicize my hobbies.  I never apply for grants to complete them, nor ask for donations (another dreaded task).  Nor do I spend hours redoing my resume and CV with how many sweaters, vests, socks, etc. I have knitted! Very often at a party, even after I have spent several minutes explaining the realities of being further down on the artistic food chain, someone inevitably says in parting, “I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors."  Just as I am politely smiling thank you, the philistine adds, "I think it is just great that you have a hobby you love so much." After a deep sigh, I shake my head and move on.  Well... in a perfect world I do that.  Generally, I begin plotting what can be done to make sure that they are begging on the next street corner by nightfall.