September 19, 2009: Favorite Time of Day
Dawn is my favorite time of day. This morning, I was looking out my window in the pre-dawn light and what do I see? At least eight new apartment buildings on my one square block. I used to have a view of the city. I used to have a view of the Triboro Bridge. I meditate every morning and often look out this window. I used to find this calming, and now I find it disquieting. My piano is right in front of the window, so while I am thinking of what to write, I usually gaze out the window.
Today I was writing about soul longing and the dance of the spirit, and looking at bare steel beams, bricks, cement blocks and the absolute mess building creates. I used to look at this lovely tree that flowered in the spring. I will say that it gave an extra amount of pathos to my song. Perhaps this is why I am writing about a lack of regard for Mother Nature and how this lack dehumanizes us. If I allow it, it makes me angry that I have no say in what my environs look like. The anger would accomplish nothing so instead I write words and music to hopefully make people question what they do.
I have created my own little garden with a small fountain inside to partially make up for the destruction outside. Writing and composing are my inward garden. Sometimes it flowers and is beautiful and sometimes it is very thorny. Today is a beautiful day. I feel a mild anxiety about what I need to accomplish for the opera coming up, but I try to keep my mind on one thing at a time. I needed to write this blog, and now it is almost finished. I must work on two grants, hold a rehearsal, and get out an erratta sheet to the singers. Then there is updating my web page. That will probably have to wait for tomorrow. At least I was able to compose a little this morning. It helps me remember why I do all of this.
Now would someone send over the genies to magically clean my apartment?