September 19, 2009

September 19, 2009: Favorite Time of Day

Dawn is my favorite time of day. This morning, I was looking out my window in the pre-dawn light and what do I see?  At least eight new apartment buildings on my one square block.  I used to have a view of the city.  I used to have a view of the Triboro Bridge. I meditate every morning and often look out this window.  I used to find this calming, and now I find it disquieting. My piano is right in front of the window, so while I am thinking of what to write, I usually gaze out the window. 

Today I was writing about soul longing and the dance of the spirit, and looking at bare steel beams, bricks, cement blocks and the absolute mess building creates.  I used to look at this lovely tree that flowered in the spring.  I will say that it gave an extra amount of pathos to my song.  Perhaps this is why I am writing about a lack of regard for Mother Nature and how this lack dehumanizes us. If I allow it, it makes me angry that I have no say in what my environs look like. The anger would accomplish nothing so instead I write words and music to hopefully make people question what they do. 

I have created my own little garden with a small fountain inside to partially make up for the destruction outside. Writing and composing are my inward garden. Sometimes it flowers and is beautiful and sometimes it is very thorny. Today is a beautiful day. I feel a mild anxiety about what I need to accomplish for the opera coming up, but I try to keep my mind on one thing at a time.  I needed to write this blog, and now it is almost finished. I must work on two grants, hold a rehearsal, and get out an erratta sheet to the singers. Then there is updating my web page. That will probably have to wait for tomorrow.  At least I was able to compose a little this morning. It helps me remember why I do all of this.

Now would someone send over the genies to magically clean my apartment?

September 15, 2009

September 15, 2009: Fall Revitalization

It has been quite some time since I have written here.  I have been busy composing, writing and planning for the next year, and then went on a very much needed vacation to Italy.  It is also time to update my life and website. By updating my life, I mean learning to handle large amounts of stress without taking them into myself -- putting my life in order with balance and sanity.  This has never been one of my strong suits, but certainly needs to become one.  Otherwise, the reality is total burnout and a career that does not blossom because it just plainly takes a lot of time to recover from chaos.  Unless you can conduct the artistic process with good planning, prioritizing and learning to put your foot down when things get too wild, there is little but chaos or inferior, duplicated efforts.  Coordinating the efforts of 70+ people, working 30 or more hours a week in my day job, writing grants, getting them submitted and still trying to make music, as well as have an active spiritual and social life takes some doing.  I will hopefully be writing more frequently now to let you know how this process goes.

As for updating my website, that too needs balance and clarity -- and an absence of typos.  I'm not sure which is easier, coordinating 70+ people or having an absence of typos!